Writing Sober

Writing is painful
writing is risky
writing is a jump off the cliff of emotion

Risky business better not done
without protection
without padding

Writing sober is irresponsible
foolhardy
a risk that may leave you damaged

Like driving without a seatbelt
football without a helmet
alone naked

Alcohol provides the protection
like the ice applied to a burn
why feel the pain

Even pulling off a band aid
facing that terrible knowledge
that it will hurt

You can leave it on
you can moisten it
apply some trickery or
just pull and hurt

But it is a necessary pain
one that will subside
the pain of writing may not

So writing sober is a mistake
alcohol doesn't free the mind
or loosen the inhibitions

It allows you to write
knowing that the pain will be deadened
it is the net

You jump
you feel
you expose yourself knowing
it may lead to an emotional maze

No way out
but with your protection
the feeling is not so intense
so dramatic

Will I advance to the moment
where I can write without protection
do I want to

I don't think so
for to advance is to admit
the deadening of my spirit

The arrogance of having arrived
having no worries
nothing to contemplate

The uncontemplated life is a
pathway to dullness
to living to avoid feelings

I want to feel
and drink
and write
and cry
and regret
and celebrate my life

My mistakes
my triumphs
my loves
my losses
all faced in front of me
in words

They look back at me
as rivals
daring me to express what I feel
daring me to wound

And I relish the chance
but not without protection

January, 2007